A Dark Truth, in Numbers

When I was fat, (yea I said it) I would avoid numbers like the plague. Clearly the most avoided number was always the number on the scale. Alongside that was the number on my jeans indicating the size, the number of calories in the meal I just had, the number of promises to myself to make a change I had broken and the list goes on. My life was basically a game of numbers, or avoiding them. 


Now, 60 or 70lbs later I find myself in a similar dark place. At least a year ago when I was avoiding numbers it was out of sight and out of mind. Now, I obsess over all kinds of numbers! How many calories/carbs/protein were in that meal I just had? How much did I do on my deadlift/squat/barbell curl last week in comparison to this week? How many miles did I run/not run? What’s my body fat percentage like these days? How many inches have I lost? I find that at times I have made myself crazy over these numbers, but then I STOP.

I force myself to collect my thoughts; I breathe in the positive and let go of the negative. Or better said, the anxiety of numbers that overwhelms me. 

This method of breathing in the good shit and breathing out the bullshit is a constant struggle, much like keeping up a healthy lifestyle is. I’ve posted before about moderation, trying and being happy with small accomplishments and I believe that in my heart of hearts but sometimes that voice in the back of my mind is so loud I cannot silence it. 

I debated whether or not to share this part of the “journey” but I have to share my truths. If there’s a chance others feel this way too there’s no reason not to put it out there. We should all know that this can happen, that it’s ok and that you can get over and keep on going.

I’m done feeling sorry for myself (yet again). I’m getting over this hump and I know, if you find yourself on it, you can too. 

I’ll file this under the first world problems category and go kill my next workout. xo


Toxic TV: Are Reality Shows Making Your Journey Harder?

You might think this post will go after TV shows like, “Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives” or “Man vs Food”; but when talking about TV and it’s toxic effects on your weight loss journey I’m actually referring to some of the more inspirational TV shows out there. 

I bet you didn’t expect me to name shows like, “The Biggest Loser” and “Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition”, but that’s who I’m putting on blast today.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge fan of The Biggest Loser and was dedicated to watching Danni Allen take home the prize in season 14. I just think these shows give those of us at home a double edged inspiration cross to bear. 


Danni Allen BL 14 Winner

Sure, on one side I felt inspired watching these sometimes morbidly obese people getting into the best shape of their lives. Some were coming back from the brink of death, some of the stories were gut wrenching and others were heart warming.

But I also felt like they had this totally unfair advantage. This sometimes made my own results seem minimal and made me feel like I must not be doing enough. Sure it’s naive to compare “reality” TV to real life and I know that, but how many people are fat, obese, or want to lose a few pounds and think the only way they can do so is by being secluded from family and friends under the strictest supervision of trainers and doctors for 9-12 months? That’s not real! 

Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition

Snapping out of that mentality and seeing my own progress and that of those around me remind me, probably daily, that each milestone and set back are mine to own. Sure, I’m on my own “ranch” and it’s chuck full of temptations, distractions and excuses but it’s mine to conquer! 

I work hard to remember, if I want to feel good about my real world, real life results I totally can!

A few ways I do that are by making small, attainable goals for myself, tracking my progress and keeping a nurturing support group close. Believe it or not even if you live far away from friends and family you can get their support on a daily basis. Just ask my My Fitness Pal friends. Our weekly (sometimes daily) encouragements of each other really help the journey be less of a lonely chore and more of a group effort.