A Dark Truth, in Numbers

When I was fat, (yea I said it) I would avoid numbers like the plague. Clearly the most avoided number was always the number on the scale. Alongside that was the number on my jeans indicating the size, the number of calories in the meal I just had, the number of promises to myself to make a change I had broken and the list goes on. My life was basically a game of numbers, or avoiding them. 


Now, 60 or 70lbs later I find myself in a similar dark place. At least a year ago when I was avoiding numbers it was out of sight and out of mind. Now, I obsess over all kinds of numbers! How many calories/carbs/protein were in that meal I just had? How much did I do on my deadlift/squat/barbell curl last week in comparison to this week? How many miles did I run/not run? What’s my body fat percentage like these days? How many inches have I lost? I find that at times I have made myself crazy over these numbers, but then I STOP.

I force myself to collect my thoughts; I breathe in the positive and let go of the negative. Or better said, the anxiety of numbers that overwhelms me. 

This method of breathing in the good shit and breathing out the bullshit is a constant struggle, much like keeping up a healthy lifestyle is. I’ve posted before about moderation, trying and being happy with small accomplishments and I believe that in my heart of hearts but sometimes that voice in the back of my mind is so loud I cannot silence it. 

I debated whether or not to share this part of the “journey” but I have to share my truths. If there’s a chance others feel this way too there’s no reason not to put it out there. We should all know that this can happen, that it’s ok and that you can get over and keep on going.

I’m done feeling sorry for myself (yet again). I’m getting over this hump and I know, if you find yourself on it, you can too. 

I’ll file this under the first world problems category and go kill my next workout. xo


Baked Goods and Bicep Curls?

Strange, I know.

Usually baking and diet/weight loss are kept at opposite sides of the spectrum; because who in their right mind would try to bake while watching what they eat? I would!

I don’t have to sit down and eat a whole tray of cookies just because they’re there. I can make two to satisfy my need for something sweet, wrap up the dough and save it in the fridge for another day!

My most recent recipe attempt was Nosh and Nourishs’ Greek Yogurt Blueberry Banana Bread


1 1⁄2 cup Whole Wheat Pastry Flour (or sub 1/2 All Purpose, 1/2 Whole Wheat)

3 tablespoons Whole Wheat Pastry Flour

1 1⁄2 teaspoon Baking Powder

1⁄2 teaspoon kosher salt ((optional))

1⁄4 cup honey (or sub 1/2 cup brown sugar)

1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract

3 Ripe Bananas (small)

2 Eggs

6 ounces Chobani Vanilla Greek Yogurt (or Blueberry)

1 cup Blueberries (fresh or frozen)

Finished Product



Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Start by combining flour, baking powder, salt in a large mixing bowl.

In a separate bowl, mash bananas with a fork until they are gooey and liquid-like.

Add eggs, vanilla and brown sugar… mix thoroughly.

Add greek yogurt

Whisk until everything is well combined and there are no lumps.

Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients, and mix until just combined. At this point, fold in the blueberries.

Pour batter into a greased loaf pan and distribute evenly.

Put into the oven and bake for one hour, or until the top is golden brown or a toothpick comes out clean.


My notes on the recipe: 

In the interest of keeping things as healthy as possible I went with the honey and not the brown sugar.

Whole wheat pastry flour can be found in the dry goods section of Whole Foods, I got mine from the no packaging, by the pound area of the store.

I also went with Faye 0% instead of Vanilla. This really made the bread taste “healthy”.  Looking back, for the calorie difference using the Vanilla yogurt would probably make this bread taste more like a sweet treat than a “healthier” alternative. Although my taste-tester counterpart said he did not have issue with the level of sweetness.

On the blog her images show her bananas as really runny, I left mine more chunky. It is banana bread after all.

I’m going to have to give this one another go. While tasty, it’s just not what i was hoping for.