I do not have a future in competitive eating…

Remember that moment when you’re watching Man V. Food and Adam has the meat sweats and you wonder how he will ever go on with the challenge at hand? Or you sit there and wonder how he can ever enjoy a piece of food every again – well you have no idea just how difficult food challenges can be.

In a stroke of insanity, I recently decided to enter The Battle of the Beast: a burger eating contest in which 4 contestants ate 3 of Pinchofactory’s specialty burgers, competing to see who could eat all three first. I entered the competition because I am a fan of Pinchofactory, I liked the idea of a competition and I also knew I would be the only girl at the competition table and that kind of turned me on to it.

Honestly, I thought about chickening out once or twice but decided hey, it’s just a friendly competition and no harm will come if I lose. So I psyched myself up, mentally stretched out my tummy and showed up to Pinchofactory on Sunday May 1st ready to take the title already displayed on my back – Burger Queen.

When I arrived at Pinchofactory, I was so happy to be greeted by a slew of supporters. They made signs, a crown and brought their screaming voices to cheer on the underdog favorite of the competition. Just as the tension was to the point where I was nauseous from nerves it was time to sit down and attack the challenge.

The first burger was brought out, the buffalo blue: blue cheese, buffalo sauce and onion crisps. I attacked it and finished so quickly the second burger was not even ready for me. Good, I get a break, but bad because the burger was so piping hot I found myself chugging cold water to keep it from burning the inside of my throat. Surprisingly, at the end of the second burger (the Fritanga burger) I was doing alright, sure I did not really want to eat that last burger but I did not feel as though I was going to die just yet. No, that feeling came on with burger number three, the angry Texan. Texas toast, jalapeno cheese, turkey bacon, barbeque sauce and a huge mean looking patty – oh my God, why did Pinchofactory do this to me? The swallows became harder, the sweats became more prevalent and I started to feel nauseous. Was I going to make it? Had this challenge licked me? Keep in mind, I had not looked at my competitors, I was tracking their progress solely by what was being broadcast to me from the crowd of supporters — I knew I was in the lead, but how far in the lead I did not know. It did not matter, I had to finish and the pressure was on, on my stomach, throat and will to win. I wanted it bad, but would my stomach give out on me?

The last few bites came slowly and were tough to swallow but I managed to finish. The crowd went wild, they declared me the winner and I excused myself to the nearest garbage receptacle to evacuate the excess beef from inside my gut. Funny enough that got a reaction out of them as well.

I got home that day, after the pictures and the hoopla and I actually fell into a food coma, I wonder if that’s what Richman does post challenge? Almost a week later, my stomach has still not recovered.

The feeling that came over me during and after the challenge are feelings of fullness, disgust and revolt that I would rather never feel again. Every time someone congratulates me, I cringe because I think, wow, I did that most disgusting thing and people are still congratulating me? It’s a strange feeling, one I cannot explain, I am seriously revolted by the fact that I was able to consume that much food and still eat dinner the following day – something has to be wrong with my stomach?!

The main thing I took away from completing this challenge is that a serious change in diet is upon me. I do not like the feeling that came post challenge – I feel gross! I wanted to eat a salad for the first time in I don’t know how long!

My crowning moment

The weird thing is, I am still really happy that I won, regardless of the gross yucky feeling in my gut I still won. I am the winner, the burger queen and the chick that beat three guys in a burger eating contest – I am a bad ass.

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4 thoughts on “I do not have a future in competitive eating…

  1. Ha so loved reading this since we missed it, damn…congrats lady…

    Totally understand the feeling of feeling full and gross, but jujst the point of berating three guys would have to be such an awesome feeling….ha ha

    You rock lady xoxox

  2. First of all…
    I had NO idea you had a blog. WHOA! I love it!

    Second of all…
    I’m full-on impressed that you took down two dudes in a burger eating contest and showed them what’s up. That’s mah girl!

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