Tonight as I blew the candles out on another year of my life I also got to listen to an exceptional person speak about her life. The insight was a gift she did not realize she had given me.
Gabrielle Hamilton recently released her book, Blood, Bones & Butter and held a reading at Books & Books in the Gables. The book describes her life, growing up in the kitchen, being thrust into restaurants as a career and battling the inner want to write. Listening to her speak about her loves, writing and cooking made me think about how in my past year and upcoming year of life my struggle continues to be to find my loves.
With a wish made on a candle I foolishly hoped a fairy godmother would come out of the sky and say, “Happy birthday Vanessa, here is your passion.” That did not happen – great, now what?! Gabrielle talked about making the decision to leave one dream behind and pursue the more attainable of the two – I do not even have the one to start with?
Should I leave the dream of finding a dream behind and immerse myself in the monotony of a life void of a passion-driven career? Should I quit whining and count my blessing (there are tons)? Although I do not feel my desires make me any less grateful for my blessings than I am I cannot shake the feeling that something is missing – the only question is what?
The smoke is rising off my candles now, the room where Gabrielle spoke is empty and I am left another year older and another idea short of a life long passion. Like the bad cliffhanger on a prime time TV show, we will see you next season folks.